Custer's Last Plan

I'm sure you all have heard the tale of Custer's last stand...the triumphant defeat of a small band of American soldiers at the hands of an impossibly large native force. But you probably haven't heard the whole story. Did you know that General George Armstrong Custer actually attacked the natives—a village of the tribes of Lakota and Northern Cheyenne—and then proceeded to make several errors that brought his own demise?

That's just a small portion of all that I saw a few weeks ago with my family, from July 11 through 16, on our trip to and from Mount Rushmore, South Dakota. Ready to take a ride with me across the Mid-west United States? Then buckle your seat belt, because my dad's a notoriously reckless driver (though I've never been in an accident with him yet). But before I get ahead of myself, I should probably warn you that I will almost certainly forget something or mix some details up, so just bear it and grin.

Peak7 Adventures

This is an image of the note I wrote while near the top of Granite Peak. It reflects a lot of the thoughts and feelings that were coursing through my spirit at the time. In case my handwriting's not legible enough (keep in mind, I was using a cheap ball-point pen in high-altitude, low-temperature conditions), here's a transcript of what it says:

a spiritual side to Band-Aids

With all that's been juggled around in my head, I would need to write a pretty long blog to get it out in its entirety...so to spare you folks reading, I'll

Y'know what? No. I'm not going to make this blog note another "abridged entry". My apologies if you don't feel like actually sitting down for a few minutes with me (metaphorically speaking) and joining your thoughts with mine, but I really am going to fly, so strap yourselves in tight.

Bandages: they serve their original purposes well enough. But I felt like it was a waste of perfectly good white space not to use the medical tape on my hand for jotting down stuff I didn't want to forget. So here, on my palm essentially, I have two items written down for my convenience.

summer dayze

This post's title is a nod to the cliché phrase "summer daze", as a play on words with "summer days", and as opposed to Summer Glau, who is entirely different. Something kinda funny I've realized about summertime: weekdays start to mean less. Without any classes to remind me of what day of the week it is, I'm starting to lose track, and am routinely shocked whenever someone tells me what day it is. Of course, I still go to church on Sunday, which serves as a good milestone for the week, but within Sundays there are few appointments to keep me on the ball...which could get disastrous if I end up missing a tutoring session as a result (I'm currently tutoring a 7th grader in math).

In spite of my tendency to let the days slip by, I do desire to accomplish a meaningful task or experience a meaningful memory this summer. Admittedly, my dad has probably nagged me to the point that this desire did not originate with me. However, our ideas of what a meaningful task or memory can sometimes be at odds with each other...for example, although I know that money is unfortunately necessary for me to go to school, and therefore I could really use a job this summer, I also would like to stay relatively laid back. I wouldn't be wasting my time if I didn't get a job, because I have plans to finish a significant portion of my novel and my movie script, as well as film a couple movies with Joel and the Triforce Studios film crew.

Another thing about summer I've noticed is that it's a great time to get less pale and skinny. I have been helping my dad work outside, which has lent itself to reducing my pallor and puniness significantly. If all goes well, I will get a membership to Oz Fitness or somewhere I can get back into shape.

All randomness aside, I was actually going to mention my recent observation that so far this summer, several of my younger friends have graduated from high school. It's one thing to feel old graduating from high school yourself; it's entirely different to feel old[er] watching your friends graduate. Fortunately, I get to see them now that I'm back from Pullman, but still, they'll be going out into the [cold, cruel] world soon. And I know that I shouldn't really feel so old, because in comparison to a lot of people, I'm still young. But I still have experienced things that the new grads haven't, so I wish that I could share these with them. ohey lukz- a idea1

On another note, I seem to regret my own actions more often than I'd like—sometimes regretting them only minutes or even seconds after I've done them. And I don't mean regretting obvious mistakes (e.g. I just stuck my hand in the path of a door being slammed, and I really regret it, or even, I just said something that may have hurt someone's feeling, and I really regret it), but rather, regretting the decisions that don't actually connote any harm or foolishness. Though nothing immediately D'oh!-y comes from these actions, I still look back on them, and think to myself, Could I have done something different that would have brought a more desirable outcome? And then after thinking that, I wonder if I should have done something different, and it tortures me until I realize how ridonculous it is. I'd provide an example, but I don't actually know who reads this blog, so in the interest of keeping me from regretting it later, I won't. And because I don't exactly understand this myself, thus, trying to explain it could very well turn out disastrous.

That's all the musing I'll fit into one post, because not everyone has the time/attention span/all of the above to read much longer than this. Stay tuned, though...I feel some more muse brewing in my brain.

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Author's note: Sheesh, after only about 3 weeks of not writing any blogs, it's been embarrassingly hard to get back into the groove...and by 'groove', I definitely mean 'funky feeling', not 'rut'. It's taken me literally 73 hours to get this post finished.

"Pullman is Dead", a poem

Pullman is dead
Summer killed it
The life has been sucked from Pullman

Not completely...
Some of my friends,
A few who stay for the summer

I can smell it
The emptiness
Like a building before living

Quiet, peaceful
Unmoving sound
Disinfected, disconnected

Only shadows
Here rest, lazy
Leaving them till fall breaks the still

Make myself heard
But none to hear
Within earshot, people are not

So, to you, Lord
I take my cry
Knowing that you listen, attuned

I recognize
From His wisdom
The emptiness of godlessness

Like Waller Hall
At the moment
Would my heart be, but Him in me

Filling my void
Giving purpose
To direct and guide me, His child

I will never
No, not ever
Be lonely then, ever again.

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Author's note: Check out this song by Rob Evans, called "The Donut Repair Club" by Rob Evans, which has this line in it: "Life without Jesus is like a doughnut / ... / 'Cause there's a hole in the middle of your heart / When Jesus fills your heart / He satisfies your soul / Like a pastry nugget in a doughnut hole".

like a criminal

That's right. Convicted. None of us are really any better than thieves and crooks. Think about it...what's the difference between us and them? We all have the same nature. The people who don't steal or murder are not worth any more than the people who do.

So then, why bother doing what's right? After all, even our most righteous acts are just filthy rags to God (Isaiah 64:6). But this is only part of the picture; when a missionary from Ethiopia, named Fred Van Gorkom, spoke at the E-Free Church this Sunday, he pointed out something that I want to share with you.

Each child of God is like an ore, impure and sullied by dross. In the refining process, ore is smelted in a furnace, so that it changes phase into molten form. Most precious metals are denser than the impurities, which float to the top and can be skimmed off of the surface.

Dr. Van Gorkom finished the illustration with an anecdote. He went to a silver refinery, where he watched a worker melt the silver ore and skim the dross off the top, repeating the process over and over and over. He asked the worker how long the silver must be refined before it is ready, and the worker replied that when he could see his image in the silver, then it was fully refined.

What is awesome about that illustration is how it resembles our own lives. Each of us is in a various stage of refinement, trying to reflect God's image with our life.

Now, the process of refining is not an easy one. It involves sacrifice...giving back to God what we can offer. But sometimes, we try to sacrifice things that don't actually cost anything for us. I challenge you (and myself) to give up to God something that we really do value.

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Author's note: Thanks, Greg, for the use of the leaflet in your bulletin...I wrote most of the ideas for this post on that leaflet in church.

catching up to my brain

It's fortunate that after this post, I'll finally have written all of the thoughts that have been building up inside my head lately. Of course, they'll build up again, but at least I won't feel like I'm behind anymore. I feel like I just shook out the last of the stuff rattling around up there, kinda like a cartoon character hitting himself on the head so that the sand and sea water comes out of his ear. The name of the game is to get ahead of my brain, so that I write things on this blog as soon as (or even before!) I think of them.

Okay, now for the rattlers. They all are thoughts that God has placed on my heart last Tuesday night and last night at the Chi Alpha Christian Fellowship nights that I go to. Last week was "Senior Share" night, when all of our family members who are graduating or otherwise leaving Chi Alpha after this semester gave their two-bits. Last night was Steve Barke's last sermon of the semester. Both nights were very special and thought-provoking, so I am going to address each of them one at a time.

Senior Share Night:

• Robbie Love reminded the body that if we all come expecting to get something out of Chi Alpha, then there's no one who's actually giving anything, so eventually, we will all run out of whatever it is that brings us there. Instead, we should all come ready to give, so that the Spirit will overflow among us like a fountain. His words were very prophetic. Also, he mentioned something that I've heard before back at my church in Spokane Valley, that it's good to have a Paul, a Barnabus, and a Timothy in our lives. Basically, a Paul to mentor and train us in spiritual wisdom and maturity; a Barnabus to come alongside of us and encourage us as a peer; and a Timothy with whom to share our own knowledge that God has already taught us.
  
• Marjorie Nelch definitely played a musical collage of the Beatles, ending with the song "Love", only with a Christian application in the lyrics. It was pretty much amazing!
  
• Roselyn Gunderson had an important message to say, and it was something God really wanted to tell me. Essentially, she reminded us that we do not need to be afraid of God failing. So when we ask Him, we can have faith that we are not limited in what we ask, because God has never failed and cannot fail.
  
• Natalie Hardy isn't graduating, but she's going to UCLA starting in the fall. She encouraged us to be there for people who have no one except us and Christ.
  
• Alana Brunner exhorted us to live for God in every moment, rather than living in the past or the future like we're so prone to.
  
• Jeff Storvick's whole message to us was to emphasize the power and availability of prayer that we often take for granted. Also, another thing about prayer we forget about is that talking with God is a two-way street. We need to wait on the Lord and listen for His voice. We need to be prepared to hear something we might not be expecting to hear.
  
• And Jake spoke that night as well, but I hadn't started taking notes yet because I was taking care of the offering at the time. Sorry Jake! I love you too.
  

Last night's TNF: Steve Barke has, since the beginning of our time in Philippians, been drilling into our heads that God is BIGGER than [insert everything here]. But for some reason, this lesson hadn't really gotten its way into my head completely. In keeping with the drilling analogy (sorry, my dad's a contractor, so I think like this naturally), the chuck was on low power and the bit too dull to bite into my skull, until last night, when God switched tactics and found a jackhammer. God really is bigger. He's bigger than our every need. As Steve put it last night, when He looks at our needs, He laughs and asks us, "Is that all?" We need to need more. Steve finished by challenging us to answer the question for ourselves, How will we accomplish our mission? One other random tag-along thought: there is a big difference between me just hoping that God will give me a job this summer, and the people I know praying for a position that they have found and desire greatly. I want to be in the latter place...but I'm not quite there yet.

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Author's note: 'TNF' stands for "Tuesday Night Fellowship", for those who aren't as well-acquainted with Chi Alpha. If you aren't acquainted, ask me about it...I love our family!

retrospectacles

Lately, I've been doing a whole lot of looking back...more so than usual. It's nearly to the degree that I find myself bumping into things mentally because I'm not paying attention to the things right in front of me! Fortunately, the key word there was 'nearly', as I am not currently in such a state. Rather, I have simply been reflecting on the past year of school, starting in August.

From the past year, there are two major things that I have been thinking back on: ...

...

Hmm...make that three: the experience of living in Waller Hall, being part of Chi Alpha, and everything else.

Living in Waller Hall for me has been such an awesome experience! [Ten minutes later.] Wow, it's definitely been a long day, and you can probably tell I just wrote a 6-page paper from the way I'm writing. And I have the credits song from "Portal" stuck in my head. Anyway, to keep things short for my own sanity's sake as well as yours, I just want to mention how easy it is to take for granted the opportunities and experiences that we have. I'm going to miss Waller Hall next year (moving into Honors Hall, ftw!) mostly because of the family feeling. Definitely will miss serenading our "sister halls" and having barbecues. Last night's End-of-the-Year BBBQ was a great culmination of all the year's atmosphere. Made me start thinking and feeling nostalgic.

The Chi Alpha Christian Fellowship group on campus was the perfect fit for me spiritually. Literally. God couldn't have done a better job finding a place for me to get plugged into and not only be a blessing to me, but help me bless and encourage those around me through the gifts He has given me. Playing electric, acoustic, and bass guitar on the worship team was a perfect example of this. Another is me going to be a Corefa (Core Facilitator, a.k.a. small group leader) next year. Scary as all heck, but exciting as well, because I know that God will be able to use me. Tonight, my Core met for the last time of the semester, at Denny's. This year's Corefas both shared how even despite their unpreparedness, God was able to work in our hearts, minds, and spirits, and minister to us through each other. I'd write examples except for the interest of time.

Finally, I feel like throughout the past school year, I have vastly expanded my circles of friends, to the point that it might even exceed the number of people I knew before coming to WSU. (I'd have to count to make sure, so for obvious reasons, I'm leaving it at 'might'.) The way I see it, all these new friends are a sort of extension of my family. Of course, I feel that way more about some friends than others, but generally the same around the table. In fact, I'll be kinda sad to go home for the summer, because I'll only be able to see my original family, plus a few lucky individuals who live near me or will otherwise be visited by me this summer.

Looking back on this year, I have been trying to think of a time when I knew, without a doubt, that I had just done something really freshman-y. Some examples would be staying up all night with Nathan Snook playing our free WoW trials, breaking Angela's ankle, running all across Pullman looking for the Thai Ginger restaurant, getting "kicked out" of the Rock for reciting Disney lines while watching "Robin Hood" (to the dismay of those trying to watch the movie), arriving consistently late to chemistry midterms after SpagDin (spaghetti dinners at the Rock), running head-long into a swing set at full speed and connecting my forehead with the uneven bars (and not losing consciousness for even a moment), placing dead last in the Pullman Highland Games, and many other times that I hadn't regarded as freshman-y but now do.

rawr, es tiempo para beddie-bye. sleepy! nighty! wakey wakey, aaAOOOGga, aaAOOOGga! ha ha hakltehl;ahoweioa;iuocnlk;ooqwheohaosh

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Author's note: I take no responsibility for any lack of sanity caused by the reading of this post. Please note that I do not jest when I say that I am crazy (in a good way, of course), and keep a mental distance from my ramblings when necessary. slurpeeeeeeezzz...

sleepless night

Last Thursday, I was reminded of the true value of human life, and shocked at how quickly we take it for granted. Sometimes, it takes a dramatic event to help us appreciate the lives of those around us. And of course, you all are probably begging to hear all about this ‘dramatic event’, but it’s too soon. I’ll give a basic overview of it, I guess, but you won’t get any huge details. A friend of mine (whom I will not identify) has a heart problem, which sie¹ briefly explained to me, but I didn’t really understand. All I got was that there’s a blood vessel behind hir² heart that is somewhat problematic, as it periodically (around once a month or so) causes hir blood pressure to fall rapidly and sie faints. The danger is that there’s a chance of heart failure along with the loss of blood pressure, so when this cardio-something panic occurred and sie was taken to the hospital, I was scared.

It reminded me of a time back in December, during Finals Week, some buddies of mine and I convinced my “cousin”, Angela, to come with us to Moscow, Idaho, and buy some sleds. We told her we’d drop her off back at her dorm before actually sledding, but we had nothing of the sort in mind. After returning from Moscow, we took her with us to a hill on top of the REC parking lot. While performing the fearless feat of sledding chains, in which we would hold the sled of the person in front of us and slide down all together, Dani, my cousin, and I found ourselves hurtling towards across the parking lot towards a lamp post. We were going fast enough that Angela’s foot went over the curb wrong, and she broke her ankle. She ended up going to the hospital in an ambulance, and to this day has to wear a boot on her foot, although it should be coming off soon.

I like to say that I have no fear, and that nothing can ever frighten me. After all, I relish experiencing new (even potentially hazardous) activities/people and jump at the chance to try something I’ve never tried before. I am pretty bold and courageous when I want to be. But I have discovered my worst fear: the fear of my friends dying. There’s nothing quite like the agony of helplessness generated by the sight of my friends going somewhere I cannot follow…in this case, the sight of my friends disappearing into the back of an ambulance, knowing there is nothing that I can do to help.

Being thus frightened for my friend’s life, I was literally unable to fall asleep Thursday night. I tried working on schoolwork, but finally, at around 1:30 in the morning, I went to bed and left my phone on, underneath my pillow. I’d like to say that I spent the entire night like that, without sleeping a wink. In truth, I went to sleep literally ten minutes before my friend’s roommate sent me a text message letting me know that sie was back from the hospital and recovering. But while I was still awake, I was reminded of (can you guess?) another spiritual truth that God has been laying on my heart and mind in the past few weeks.

First, I was reminded that God loves my friend so much that in comparison, I hardly even care. And because He loves my friend so much, sie is in good hands. And here, ‘good’ is the understatement of the millennium. This made me feel a little bit foolish for doubting if God would come through and save my friend’s life. Though it’s hard to write this and even harder to believe it, I know that even if my friend had died that night, it would have been part of a much higher, much grander plan that God had for hir life. (But I’m exceedingly glad that that wasn’t God’s plan.)

Second, and more interestingly, I was reminded of a great analogy: God is like a good [cue the understatement again] father. He loves His children very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very much. So much so, that when we commit depraved actions, which deserve punishment and death, God chose to punish His one holy son. He poured out all that wrath and hatred for the awful things we humans do (and we do a lot of those awful things…just look at the news!) on His only son Jesus. *AND* here’s where I tie this back to the original subject. When evil circumstances occur, like heart problems, sledding accidents, diseases, and every other horrible thing, it’s kind of like something bad happening to a child. It’s sometimes the child’s fault, and the child is just reaping the consequences of a foolish action (for example, burning your hand on the stove because you touched a frying pan when it’s hot). Other times, it’s not the child’s fault, it just happens without warning or provocation, like with falling down on a bicycle.

But *NEVER*, within any of those circumstances I just listed, is it the father’s fault that something bad happened to the child. So why do we blame God our Father for bad things that happen? Even if it’s not our fault, it’s not God’s fault. If God were to keep every bad thing from happening, it would be like a father keeping his child perfectly safe by never letting anything happen to the child. Life for that child would be like living in a bubble. Even though nothing bad would happen, nothing good would happen, either.

In the book of James, the Word says that God is good and holy, and in Him there is no darkness. So when it says that God works all things together for good, it means ALL! Whatever happens to us, it is better than what didn't happen.

So the beauty of God’s plan for our lives is that He’s given us all this wonderful, horrible world to live in, to do with it as we choose. Whether we choose wisely or foolishly, however, God will always be there for us, ready to catch us if we fall off our bicycle or even if we get put in jail for stealing something or shooting someone. He’s still there for us, better than the best father. I encourage you readers to look for ways to appreciate the lives of those around you. Don’t forget that our lives are as a vapor, like the Bible says. We could be gone tomorrow. Don’t let a moment go by without thanking Him for the time He’s given you on this earth to enjoy the company and to be His ambassador.

1 – ‘sie’ is a gender-neutral pronoun meaning he or she.
2 – ‘hir’ is a gender-neutral possessive pronoun meaning his or her.
Gender Neutral Pronouns

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Author’s note: I spent like ten minutes looking for a good picture of the scene from Lord of the Rings’ “Return of the King”, when Sam finds Frodo comatose and wrapped in spider web, and he says, “Don’t go, Mr. Frodo…don’t go where I can’t follow!” But I couldn’t find any. It was absolutely ridonculous.

like a jumbler, only less puzeylier

Wow, there has been a butt-load of stuff on my mind. (Yes, literally, the measure of the mass of thoughts mulling inside my head is a metric butt-load.) Not the least of which is the blessings in my life that God has provided me with, but that's for another time and another blog post. In the interest of some of the readers out there (you know who you are), I'll try to make this and subsequent posts as brief as I can. The potential problem with this is that the following thoughts might get a little sticky to dig through.

• At the Good Friday Service (April 10th), I started thinking about some spiritual matters. In this case, I was looking at the parallel between Isaac from the Old Testament (Genesis 22) and Jesus Christ from the New Testament. God asks Abraham (Isaac's father) to sacrifice Isaac on a mountaintop. Abraham is torn, for obvious reasons...and not only is Isaac his son, but he represents a miracle that God did to allow Abraham to even be a father. Why would God ask him to kill his miracle son? When Isaac asks his father what's going on, and what the sacrifice will be, Abraham says, "The Lord will provide". (For those who don't know how the story ends, as Abraham prepares to do the deed, God sends an angel to tell Abraham not to sacrifice him, because it was just a test.) In the Gospel books, Jesus Christ is revealed as the new provision for us...a sacrifice in our place.
  
• Another random thought was that I should try to write a song about the approximately three hours Christ spent on the cross with God turning His back on him. I mean, what enormity of anguish must he have been going through to cry out, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" Incidentally, I've recently discovered a great chord progression: G to D to Em to C to D>G
  
• When we take communion (as in the bread and grape juice passed around in church), it represents two things. 1) We crush the bread in our mouths, just as God crushes our sin out of our bodies—I think of it like a wine press, crushing the grapes so that only the layer of skin remains. 2) We let the fruit of the vine wash through us, just as God took the blood (our life) and created new beings out of us, free of the control of sin. So, as it says in II Corinthians 5:17, the old has gone, the new has come—you are a new creation. Back to the grape analogy, God crushes the evil out of us, and then refills us with His own powerful and mighty blood.
  
• This is something I shared at Chi Alpha Christian Fellowship several Tuesdays ago, along with a verse from the song you all know, "Amazing Grace":

  'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
  And grace my fears relieved
  The Lord has brought me safe thus far
  And He will lead me home

  God has redeemed each one of us, and has made us His children, and part of a family that can never be separated. Not by the enemy, not by fear, not by power, not even by hate itself...His love shall never fail.
  

Wow, I still have about two blogs' worth of thoughts swarming around inside my mind. (I'd say that's approximately 2/3 of a metric butt-load.) Stay tuned for more hopefully better-organized thoughts soon!

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Author's note: There is something very soothing about drinking a cold glass of Ovaltine with a sore throat. You don't have any? Please, just ask me, and I'll get you some...I have so much RDA to use up!