As mentioned in my previous post, I am going to talk about a subject that, quite frankly, gives me the heebily jeebies. That topic is girls, or more accurately, romantic pursuits of the aforementioned population. After you read the following blurb that I wrote (a little bit stream-of-conscious-ly, I'm afraid), you will probably be able to get a grasp on what I most recently believe regarding this subject, but real quickly, I will pre-summarize thus: I think that when we seek the presence of God and listen for the words of His Spirit, making this our priority while choosing not to be distracted by the search for a partner (though this is perfectly natural!), then God will honor our pursuit of Him over what the world tells us to pursue and will lead us to the person whom He has in mind for us.
Just because we are following the Spirit doesn't make life's circumstances and decisions easy all of a sudden. We might be led by the Spirit into a situation where we do not "succeed" (at least, according to the world's definition). Even if we seem to fail, it doesn't mean that we were not hearing and obeying God, because He can lead us through the straits of life so that we grow.
Ever since Thursday afternoon, I feel like I did obey the Spirit by talking with someone (I'll call her Eilemé) who's been a potential relationship interest about our friendship. And as if to make it clear that I did the right thing, God hasn't just given me a supernatural peace in my spirit, but He has gone so far as to change my whole being so that I now have a freedom such as I haven't felt in almost seven years. In this freedom, I still feel the same attractions that I did before, except now I don't have to act or emote in response to these attractions. Eilemé doesn't seem any less attractive than she did last week, but now I can choose not to be led by that. Instead, I can just focus on God and on following the nudging of His Spirit, trusting that He will know when I am ready for a life-mate, and that He will show me when and who that is. In the meantime, my priority will be my relationship with God alone, and no one will attract me more than God.
Not that I have already obtained this, but I can sense myself being closer to this kind of freedom than ever before. By God's grace, she and I will remain good friends, and hopefully the two of us will continue to build each other up.
I truly do not feel how the average guy apparently feels when someone "turns him down". Instead, I feel like she turned me right, or gave me a shove (okay, more like a caring push) toward God. Almost like it was not a rejection, but rather a redirection. Don't get me wrong...I understand that she isn't in a place where she wants to start a relationship with me, or with anyone. But now I'm in a place where I feel like I'm still not ready for a relationship, either, because this area of my life is definitely not one of total surrender to God. From this point in my life, until He shows me the woman for me, I am going to focus on my relationship with my Lord, Savior, and Counselor, because His grace is the lens that redirects my efforts in the direction that He wants me.
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Author's note: For those who don't get why I chose "Eilemé" as the fictitious name above, it's because that name is from the novel that I'm writing. You can check it out and download the PDF for free here.
